Before I share my "poor me" pity party I had yesterday, let's have a little laugh. This has to be one of my favorite videos. It's on a related subject of a bad case of the darn rampant, womanly hormones. (Yes, Mom, this is the video I was telling you about!)
God help me when I actually start on IVF meds, I just might be one of those ladies!!
As for yesterday, ah, yes... onto the pity party. Yesterday I had a small case of the blues. You know... popping a tear at the little things. It was silly really. Every now and again you sit back and look at the big picture and wonder what you're life will look like in a few years... just hoping and crossing every finger that it will include us with baby in tow. Anyways, it was one of those days. Every time I turned around there was something that moved me.
Like the story of a young couple who tried and tried to get pregnant and finally - after doing IVF - they got pregnant, only to loose their baby after it was born very prematurely because the mother developed severe, life-threatening preeclampsia. They watched him fight and fight for life for several weeks, only to have him pass away in their arms. Wow. What a life-altering experience. One that I can't even, and am completely and totally scared to, imagine. My heart aches for them.
Or the fact that my good friend Meghan's first IUI was looking like it wasn't going to pan out for her. They deserve this, darn it!
And then I check FertilityFriend to see where I am in my current cycle and think "ok, so I'm on CD 35... I had fertile-like signs around day..." - wait, who am I kidding. It's silly for me to even think that I'd have a chance at anything, but my heart always tells me that God can work miracles. So the glimmer of hope remains, as silly as it is with as crazy as my body is.
Did I mention my husband turned 31 on Sunday. That made me sad yesterday too. Not because I'm married to a guy in his 30s, but because "that" 31-year-old guy, who happens to be MY husband, isn't a father yet. I want us to be young parents, if I haven't mentioned that before.
And, last but not least, this darn song that I keep hearing on the radio. I've heard it enough now, and sang it enough while shuffling around the house, that I felt the need to share a few lines. There is a reason that I heard this song while coming into work yesterday AND going home (my drive time each way is all of 3 minutes). It was a nice way to end a day and helps me to stay focused on what's ahead.
Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He's up to something
And the farther on I go
I've seen enough to know
That I'm, not here for nothing