Friday, October 31, 2008

Waiting to Ovulate!

So far so good I suppose. I'm currently on CD12 and my temps, while high, have been consistent and very "regular", compare to all my other cycles thus far. So, that is good. Now - bring on the O!!

Clomid Side Effects
This time around, doing 100mg of clomid, I had my first real side effects. They didn't show themselves until the end of day 3 while taking the pills and they were vision issues, fatigue and on the last day I was nauseous. The vision thing is the only one that was a little concerning because I wasn't "dizzy" really... I saw blurred streams of light when blinking or moving my eyes quickly and it was more prevalent at night. Thankfully all symptoms stopped when I stopped taking the pills.

Other than that, noting new to report really. I am anxious to see if I actually ovulate sooner this month. I really suspect that if I do, it won't be during the typical window of time. It would be great if it was sooner, but I'm not counting on it. We are, however, making sure we are covered so that if it does happen sooner or later, we are 100% ready this cycle. I was bummed that last cycle when I ovulated late we really didn't do as well as we had earlier in the month. Anyway, you live you learn!

I hate taking pills!

Oh, wait, there is more! I started taking Mucinex this month after I finished taking clomid. So far I'm not really sure how much it's helped... hasn't seemed to hurt really, so I will probably keep taking it. It is grose though - let me tell you. It's an immediate release medication so that means there is no exterior coating to keep the "flavor" inside. I can't swallow it fast enough!! I am so bad about taking pills that I pretty much gag every time I have to swallow one. Just the thought or smell of medication makes me get queezy. I did, however, start molding something soft, like a piece of bread or snack cake, around the pill to try and create my own magic coating... it has worked somewhat, but it just increases the size of the pill which is another thing that makes them hard to swallow. Ugh! I will be very glad when I'm not popping a gillion pills a day.

A Spooktacular Weekend!
And that, I do believe, is all I have for now :) I am very glad today is Friday and am looking forward to spending some quality time with my husband. The weather is supposed to be wonderful, so hopefully we'll spend some time outdoors, and we're going to our first Halloween party on Saturday, so that should be fun. We couldn't decide what we were going to be at first - but then it occurred to me that I still have my dress from "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" play I was in during the 8th grade. Low and behold it STILL FITS perfectly!! How pathetic is that! That means that I haven't grown since then. Yikes! Oh well, I guess it could be the other way around, right? Anyway, my date is going as my Knight in Shining Armor!! Now if only he'll rescue me from this infertility stuff, we'll be all set!

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Friday, October 24, 2008

I started my second cycle of clomid this week!!

Well, I saw my OB on Wednesday. We did actually - that's right, me and my husband! I was so happy about that... it made me feel so much more collected mentally when I was there and it was just nice to have him move involved.

She agreed that I did ovulate last month and I had a perfect temperature rise, which is great news. The not so great part is that I ovulated late on clomid (50mg), which isn't ideal, however I have read mixed reviews on this...

This RE thinks that only short cycles are a cause for concern, and that long cycles usually indicate excess ovarian reserve, which is a good thing.

Whereas, this ART company's site states that "too late" could be anything after CD20 which simply means that there are fewer cycles in a given time period to try for a baby, and that you may be releasing eggs that haven't properly matured, or that the other parts of the reproductive system aren't in sync with the egg. You can conceive late, but your chances are just reduced.

With that in mind, she wasn't sure what to do next really. We asked her if I ovulated late because of PCOS and excess cysts, and she said it's really hard to say why. She said we DO know that the Clomid did "something" because I ovulated and my temps looked good. That's when she started debating on whether or not to do another round of clomid or do supression with birth control. She ended up doing another transvaginal ultrasound to see what my ovaries looked like, and I still had cysts - no more or less than last cycle really, which she said was fine - and the good thing is there were no big cysts. She ended up polling the other OBs in her office to see if I should stay at 50mg or up the dosage to 100mg (the vote was split), and she ended up deciding to up it and move my start date to CD3 - both in hopes that I will ovulate sooner. From what I've read it's hit and miss. I am concerned that the larger dosage might do two things - cause large cysts to develop (which I want to look into more, and to see if metformin actually descreases this chance) and that it might dry up my cervical mucus, which you need so that the sperm can travel through your vagina and into your cervix to wait until the egg pops.

Taking Robitussin to Increase Cervical Mucus
To address the last problem, I am going to give Robitussin a shot. I didn't have but one day with egg white cm last month on the lower dosage of clomid and don't want to chance it being worse.

I did a little research and states that you should take two teaspoons (200mg), three times per day. When taking it during a clomid cycle, you should begin the day after your last clomid pill is taken. The site also suggests to take each dosage with a full glass of water. An alternative to liquid that I might explore (if I can't stand to swallow that stuff) is Mucinex, as it comes in a pill form. IMPORTANT: No matter which one you choose to take, the key is that the one and only ingredient it can have in it is Guaifenesin. If it has anything else in addition to this, it could have an adverse affect on your cm. And, yes, you can get the generic form of these drugs - you just have make sure it only has the one key ingredient.

Monday, October 20, 2008

You can tell by the sign on my coffee cup.

At least that's how I feel anyway. Nothing like a big cup of caffeinated brew on my desk to announce that AF is here and that screams "I'm not pregnant" like nobody's business. Fantastic. My temp plumeted on Sunday and again today... so it's official that cycle one of clomid was bust. I'm really trying to focus on the fact that I did ovulate and had a great 12 day luteal phase, but it's a little hard to swallow on the first day of AF. Little did I know that would only scratch the surface on what my Monday would hold.

When I got to work, I started my day at work by logging into facebook to wish my baby brother a happy birthday (20 if you can believe that!!) and learned that a long-lost, long-distance, but very dear friend and her husband are pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy for them. They have been through so much in TTC and she is just about one of the nicest, most God-loving women that I'll ever meet. It's just - did I have to learn about it today, of all days! Ugh. And I hate myself for not feeling anything by extreme happiness for them. I am praying that God lifts her up in my mind and shows me hope!

Ok, so my day... as always, it gets better. I put a call into my doctor's office this morning... we wanted to set up a face to face to discuss next steps for the new cycle. There are just too many unanswered questions at this point to feel good about making a rash decision to take a month off and do birth control (to get rid of cysts) or give the green light on the second round of clomid (without having another transvaginal ultrasound to know if there are too many cysts to move forward). Ok, so pretty standard, right? Wrong. The nurse is like "ok, so who's the appointment with - Dr. Kiesler?... you do know that she's leaving right?" ummm... no. Leaving how - like leaving SSM or what? No, like leaving the St. Louis area.

This isn't happening to me. Really, I mean come on! The good thing is that they were able to get us in on Wednesday - which is also good because she'll only be here through next week. Hopefully I can at least get a good referral from her. Who knows!

If ALL of that wasn't quite enough... I officially have a creepy stalker at work. Like legit. I was hoping I was overthinking it last week, but today put the nail in the coffin. People - and I can't stress this enough - today is not the day to screw with me. I will tell you like it is and it WON'T be pretty. Leave me the freak alone!!!

Knowing that, picture me returning to work from lunch to see a big vase of flowers. I immediately am like "shut up" there is no freakin way! But to my pleasant suprise, it was from my super adorable loving husband who knew what a crapola day I am having. Big sigh of relief!

Man, it's gotta get better, right?!?! I don't know how much more I can handle.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Tick tock... Tick tock

11DPO and what's new to report... well, last night was a not so great night. A combination of me being overly sensitive to a comment that, while joking, still felt very inappropriate and hurt me deeply and... well, let's just say it was made better by my temp going UP yet again this morning - 99.04 to be exact! I woke up around 5am, wide awake I might add which was frustrating since I can't temp and get up until just before 7am... anyway, when I first woke up at 5, I was totally sure that my body temp didn't "feel" as warm as it had the past few days. I was mad! and proceeded to snuggle closer and cover up more so that I could gain some warmth. Like that even works! :P Especially since my "snuggling closer" didn't involve anything out of the ordinary, compared to those previous days. I was being totally silly, but it made sense at the time.

Another day, another HPT and more weird symptoms
Yes, I tested again, and it was still BFN. Still too early I'm thinking. I've been scanning the message boards today and nothing seems unusual with my chart. I just need to be more patient. Lots of women don't get their BFP early - some don't even get it on time. What else? Oh, I broke out like crazy yesterday... 5 big ones. Geeish. I don't mind it at all if it's for a BFP, but otherwise AF better put up her dukes.

Distractions... I need a distraction!
I'm so glad it's Friday. The longer this day goes on the more antsy and moody I get. I really need to think and do other things than sit here and look at my chart and read online stuff once an hour. I don't do that at home really - there are too many other things to do. So, that is why it's PERFECT that the weekend is here. And I'm excited that it finally looks, feels and SMELLS!! like fall. We're totally doing fall things tomorrow - probably apple picking in the afternoon and then we might do one of those corn maze things at night! Should be exactly what the destress doctor ordered!

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Another high temp! Thank you God!!

I'm pretty sure I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I was SOOO incredibly thankful that my temp stayed up again today. Yesterday, I kept thinking how I couldn't wait to go home and go to bed just so I wake to a new day and a new temp. Then, yesterday evening, I started having a few more mild twinges and it occurred to me that they could be AF pains, even though I'm not really having the other symptoms of AF that I normally have. Anyway, it's a stupid thing to think... I should remain totally positive and trust that God is working in my life and that if I am going to be pregnant, HE will take care of it. There really is nothing I can do at this point in the cycle to change that.

So, I have that passing thought and tell myself to turn it over to God. We were out shopping last night and the woman at the cash register kept telling us how beautiful we were - weird, I know, but she was really very sweet and genuine; she then said how our children were going to be very beautiful too. Normally, I would think how sweet it was to hear that and then not think much of it. Of course, in my current state, I say "God, I hear you and I know you're sending me a sign! Thank you!!" We left and I just couldn't stop smiling inside.

When I woke up this morning with a still high temp, I really felt like it was another sign that it was in God's hands. When I tested again this morning (Day10) and got a BFN, I was actually ok with that. Sure I was hopeful, but I am content to wait and see what happens.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's proably too early to test, but who follows the rules!

9DPO and I couldn't help it. Actually, now that we're on the subject, I also tested yesterday. That being said, I refuse to record a negative on my chart right now and will wait until it gets closer to day 14 or something.

I still haven't had too many pregnancy symptoms, although yesterday at various times I did feel some type of very mild cramp - both in different locations in my body. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I did record cramps for the first time. This morning I am SUPER hungry. I had the same thing for breakfast that I always do and my usual mid-morning snack and my stomach started asking for more around 11:30 or so. Thing is, I don't typically eat lunch until 1pm! Looks like I'm going to have to cut out early today cause, related to TTC or not, I am starvin' marvin.

Monday, October 13, 2008

My first offical 2ww!

It's Monday! And this week, that's ok because I had a great weekend with my husband and am so very thankful for that. We did lots and lots of eating - I'm talkin Mexican food, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, a yummy husband-grilled steak dinner, some IHOP... yeah, it was great! No, we don't normally partake in THAT much bad stuff, but it was oh so good. We watched a Baby Mamma (cute) and went to the Butterfly House in Faust Park (very nice, hadn't been there in awhile) and we got some great, colorful pics that day - the weather was almost too nice for fall weather.

To make it even better, I'm in the official two week wait - Day 7 to be exact! It's so hard not to get too, too excited. Even my own husband confessed to me that he's having a hard time with that as well. I've already started turning up the sensor on my five senses so as to detect the "baby" signs. Not many to report, but then again, I hear so many women say they go quite awhile before they notice something. In any case, it's been pretty darn fun thinking that some serious baby making action is hopefully happening in there :) I'm totally fascinated with the whole thing, to the point that I wish I had a little camera to watch it all unfold. How cool would that be! Then again, I suppose it could turn out not soo good if... well we won't even talk about that now will we!

For now, let's just concentrate on the fact that I ovulated and my temps look pretty darn good, possibly even triphastic as of yesterday, and that's all I can hope for. If it keeps up I just might test sooner than later just for fun :) Thank you cheap HPTs!

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Praise God! Look at those temps!

I am so grateful today. Grateful for this beautiful fall weather, grateful for a warm inviting home, for a husband who would do anything for me. More than anything, I'm grateful for a loving God who never leaves my side.

It's days like today when I feel guilty for not publicly praising him more when I'm having a not-so-great-day; even still, I can't hold back today! Being realistic, I know this cycle may not be "the" cycle, but I'm ok with that. As much as I want us to get pregnant more than anything right now, I am simply high on the idea that I am almost 90% sure I ovulated over the weekend. Two days with a positive OPK, some decent low cramping on those same days and a significant temperature shift!!! PRAISE GOD!! He is hearing our prayers I just know it. I am so very grateful that he loves me so much that he heres my cry, even when there are lots of other super important things going on in this world right now - our economy, the election, the Iraq war... I could go on and on. I know it might sound stange to think of it like that, but when I put it into perspective like that, it truely is even more amazing!

Oh, and I neglected to mention that on Day 21 I went in for a progesterone blood test to see if I had ovulated on this first cycle of clomid. My level was 1.1, which is very low, as my doctor put it. I believe I've read that with an induced cycle, it should be 15 or greater... definitely no lower than 10. Obviously, this was BEFORE the weekend began, and the weekend is when I am almost certain I ovulated. Again, only time will tell! I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor as to her recommended next step, but I'm thinking she will say to keep an eye on my temps and go from there.

Oh, and tonight my St. Charles IES infertility group meets for the third time! I'm am still loving this group so very much and am thankful for each and every friend I've made there. Today's topic (I guess you could call it) is "show-and-tell"! It should be fun and interesting to see what others bring in to share with the group. Last meeting I brought in my ovulation microscope and was surprised to find that none of the other ladies have ever used one. I was pretty happy to be able to at least give them an idea of what it was and how it worked in case it could be helpful in their TTC journey. I'm still not entirely sure what I'll bring tonight, but I've got my thinking cap on!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

My body is crazy!

So, a few days ago I thought I might have ovulated. Thanks to a few good ttc friends, I realized I hadn't. While this bummed me out for sure, I was attempting to take things in stride. Yesterday we were too pooped and full from dinner (yes that happens with us married couples!) to do any BDing. Figuring it probably didn't matter all that much, we weren't super concerned, though in the back of my mind I knew we probably should soon just to be safe. Which, brings me to today. Another day of taking things in strides. I had a very productive and therapeutic Saturday cleaning house - yes, I even did windows! And later in the evening, I did some late-night shopping by myself, which was again, very good. When I got home, the house was empty and I had this overwhelming feeling of "how I wish I was a mommy right now".

In the midst of it all, I decided to make some fudge espresso brownies (yum!), which I bought at the store in haste after thinking this month was a flop. It occurred to me just then that the pains in my lower abdomen I had been feeling in the afternoon were still there and more strong even. The weird thing is that they're not "cramps" and they don't feel like they're coming from my ovaries... rather it's a low, central dull pain - the same heavy feeling when I am about to get my period. Ok, so again - weird, however, my husband reminded me that the doc mentioned something one of my ovaries being more in the center? Anyway... earlier in the day I took a pregnancy test - knowing it would be false, but I just figured what the heck. So, tonight, when the pain was getting stronger, I realized I hadn't done an OPK in the last couple of days. So... off to the bathroom I go and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a POSITIVE - a bright red positive OPK!! Holy bleep :) At this point I have no idea what my body is doing, but I can tell you that we don't have to be told what we need to be doing tonight. TMI, I know, but hey. Who's modest these days!:P

Baby dust, baby dust, baby dust!

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