Monday, October 20, 2008

You can tell by the sign on my coffee cup.

At least that's how I feel anyway. Nothing like a big cup of caffeinated brew on my desk to announce that AF is here and that screams "I'm not pregnant" like nobody's business. Fantastic. My temp plumeted on Sunday and again today... so it's official that cycle one of clomid was bust. I'm really trying to focus on the fact that I did ovulate and had a great 12 day luteal phase, but it's a little hard to swallow on the first day of AF. Little did I know that would only scratch the surface on what my Monday would hold.

When I got to work, I started my day at work by logging into facebook to wish my baby brother a happy birthday (20 if you can believe that!!) and learned that a long-lost, long-distance, but very dear friend and her husband are pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy for them. They have been through so much in TTC and she is just about one of the nicest, most God-loving women that I'll ever meet. It's just - did I have to learn about it today, of all days! Ugh. And I hate myself for not feeling anything by extreme happiness for them. I am praying that God lifts her up in my mind and shows me hope!

Ok, so my day... as always, it gets better. I put a call into my doctor's office this morning... we wanted to set up a face to face to discuss next steps for the new cycle. There are just too many unanswered questions at this point to feel good about making a rash decision to take a month off and do birth control (to get rid of cysts) or give the green light on the second round of clomid (without having another transvaginal ultrasound to know if there are too many cysts to move forward). Ok, so pretty standard, right? Wrong. The nurse is like "ok, so who's the appointment with - Dr. Kiesler?... you do know that she's leaving right?" ummm... no. Leaving how - like leaving SSM or what? No, like leaving the St. Louis area.

This isn't happening to me. Really, I mean come on! The good thing is that they were able to get us in on Wednesday - which is also good because she'll only be here through next week. Hopefully I can at least get a good referral from her. Who knows!

If ALL of that wasn't quite enough... I officially have a creepy stalker at work. Like legit. I was hoping I was overthinking it last week, but today put the nail in the coffin. People - and I can't stress this enough - today is not the day to screw with me. I will tell you like it is and it WON'T be pretty. Leave me the freak alone!!!

Knowing that, picture me returning to work from lunch to see a big vase of flowers. I immediately am like "shut up" there is no freakin way! But to my pleasant suprise, it was from my super adorable loving husband who knew what a crapola day I am having. Big sigh of relief!

Man, it's gotta get better, right?!?! I don't know how much more I can handle.

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The Swann's October 20, 2008 at 5:15 PM  

Aw, you HAVE had a rough day... :-( It does get better! And Yeah on Jay for the flowers at work!!! Talk about some serious points scored there! :-)

Okay. Let's chat about your cycle. It does suck that AF arrived. Your temps wee AMAZING this go around! You had a PERFECT rise and peak and yes, fall for AF BUT that totally indicated that your Progesterone levels were exactly where they were supposed to be. And a 13 day lp is nothing to bat an eyelash at! :-) Do you know how many girls would die for 13 days??? haha! But yes, do take today and tomorrow and well, the remainder of the time AF is here to be hormonal and well, once she's kicked out the door jump back up on the horse and onto another cycle.

Perhaps I should have e-mailed you instead??? :-)

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