Friday, May 1, 2009

There's more than one path to a child...

I've wanted to share this link for awhile now.
It's a reminder to myself, while in the midst of infertility,
there are many paths to having a child and a family.

I am fascinated with this couple's experience for several reasons. I have said before that I believe God and His plans for our life are far greater than I will ever know or understand. I say this because I know deep in my heart this is true. This couple's story is yet another testimony of His will, though this time, infertility is directly addressed. I know that this will not be God's "will" for everyone, certainly, but it was at this time for this particular couple.

What's the other reason I'm so fascinated?
I'm blown away by this couple's awesome ability to turn things over to God and to be ready and open to adoption at the drop of a hat. If you read her post, you'll see that it was practically day and night for them - one minute she was learning the fate of their last IUI cycle (which started out as an IVF cycle) and the next she was learning they were being matched with a family who's baby is due THIS June! Wow, just wow!

While I'm not super savvy on the topic of adoption, I think most who've adopted will agree that this sort of smooth, quick turn-around isn't typically the case. Most couples spend months and months, if not years, going through the adoption process. Again, not speaking from experience here, only from what I've heard. I think that the fact that this happened for them in the manner that it did only furthers the story of how amazing, and meant to be, this all really is.

Adoption is something that we've always been open to. I can remember conversations from early in our marriage where we said we'd love to be able to adopt at some point. The opportunity to give a child in need a life full of care and love would be one of the greatest gifts we could give. At the time, we were thinking that if we were to do this, it would be after we had at least one biological child, and certainly years into our marriage when our family was well established and we had the money to afford to do so.

Well, now the cards have changed.
For one, Now we're having to fork out the dough no matter what. Some people might think, why not go ahead and adopt now, rather than go the whole IVF route? The thought has certainly crossed my mind, believe me. You should know the answer to that question isn't as simple as it sounds.

For one, I don't feel that's the route God is leading us in at this point in time. Have we (have I specifically) prayed enough about this... honestly, we probably haven't. The reason for this I suppose is the overwhelming drive we're feeling to pursue IVF. Yes, at this point, I do feel God wants us be where we are right now, with the doctor we're with... yes, I even think he wanted it to take a year for us to get here.

To add to that, my heart truly isn't in adoption right now. It's like you imagined what helping to create a tiny life would be like and it's really really hard to stop wanting that. I want to know what it's like to experience carrying a baby inside me, feeling it kicking and squirming and to see it be born with funny little traits that one of us has. This is human nature right?

My mind is also not in adoption at this moment. My mind is 100% into IVF. From a technical standpoint, now is a better time clinically for us to try and my mind knows that; while we're still young and have a higher chance of pregnancy. And not to mention all of the time it takes to read up on what goes into IVF and things you can do to try and increase the odds at success is enough for one little brain to handle. To add adoption to the mix on all levels, especially this one, would be too much to handle. Information overload!

The big question is...
Will there ever come a time when we come to a fork in the road and switch paths from IVF to adoption? That's something yet to be decided. When will that be? How will we know it's "time"? That I don't know. This entire journey to conception for us has been a ridiculously large learning process - learning to let go, to listen, trust and have faith and, of course, the dreaded wait. My hope is that when we "know", we'll just know!

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Clare May 2, 2009 at 5:52 AM  

I found what you wrote really interesting. My husband and I tentatively took the decision not to go down the IVF/ICSI route if that's what it finally comes down to. In fact we've decided to try more natural TTC for 6 months in the hope something will happen and then a few IUIs if it doesn't. If by the beginning of next year we have no joy, we will go straight to adoption. We decided this because IVF worries me and him a little - though we wrestled with all the things you mentioned in your post. I want the experience of being pregnant of breastfeeding, i feel i need that as a woman. Also the desire to have a biological child can sometimes be overwhelming, it would be our creation, the ultimate act of love, between me and the man that I love so totally. I still wonder if we've made the right or even the final decision... i suppose time will tell. Thanks for this post.

Anonymous May 2, 2009 at 1:15 PM  

Hi! We have been on the IUI/ICSI rollercoaster for a year now. I am very happy that my husband has finally seen the light and we are also going ahead with adoption. I always wanted to adopt anyway and here it takes years anyway before you are matched with a baby. I don't see IVF/ICSI and ADOPTION as incompatible though, hopefully we'll have our own child as well as another one who will be loved the same even though we don't share DNA. Thanks for the post!

The Swann's May 2, 2009 at 4:23 PM  

Cathy, I LOVED this post! Let's just say that thru reading her blog and catching up on a bit of her story, I have a new sense of encouragement. :-) Oh, so much to catch up on!!!! Hopefully we'll see a lot more of each other as, if all works out, we will be living pretty darn close to you guys! It's an amazing opportunity that only God could have orchestrated...

You and Jay are going to be fantastic parents... I can't wait to meet your little bundle of joy(s)!!!!!


Cathy May 3, 2009 at 2:03 PM  

Thank you ladies! I know I said it individually, but I'm really glad that this post touched each of you in such unique ways. It made me smile :-) and keeps me wanting to post everything that's on my mind and heart. Keep the comments coming!

Anonymous June 12, 2009 at 1:16 PM  

Hi! Regarding breastfeeding, there is a technique called adoptive breastfeeding, where your Dr can give you meds to help you make milk and then through the suckling, your body will continue to make milk- so you may be able to breastfeed an adoptive baby. I'm new to this blog, and have also made the decision to go through IVF for many reasons. One is that my husband wants us to have more kids that are related to us and look like us. Another reason is privacy - the home study process seems invasive, but I'm sure it is worth it to the parents who go through it. I've also read that adoption is expensive unless you go through fost-adopt. I truly think that families who adopt are ultra special and selfless and will be blessed for their giving. Happy Family Building to everyone1

Jess June 13, 2009 at 9:43 AM  

I'm with you on this. I also follow the Sheldons and their faith inspired me to become more faithful and listen to go. I was amazed how quickly she went from IF treatments to adoption. That little girl was meant for them-it was Gods will and he was urging her to get her gives me chills.

I'm at the point if clomid doesn't work, I will persue IVF. I have this desire to have a biological child with my husband. I couldn't go from clomid to adoption without trying IVF. I'm with you on heart is leaning towards IVF. I feel like I'm just wasting time with clomid but I have to try considering IVF is so expensive.

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