Monday, July 27, 2009

Please God, don't let this impact our cycle

I couldn't help it. My heart sank tonight.

I was furious and then I cried. It wasn't pretty.

Going into the evening, I was still on a high after learning a good friend who is doing IVF in July with my same doctor got her second beta back. She is pregnant!! And from the looks of it, it just might be twins! So, Congrats Jenny!! So unbelievably excited for you.

With all of the energy and good vibes the air, I was spinning with excitement. I get home, eager to bask in the joy of an overall pretty darn good Monday (work included), and start chatting away with my husband, trying to find out what happened at his doctor appt this afternoon. I knew he was going to go. I was glad. He is an avid tennis player who always seems to have something physical keeping him from something he loves so much. I want him to get feeling up to par. Believe me, I do.

He had mentioned via text message that he got a "big shot" today. I was both confused, because I thought that he was just getting looked at, and sad that I couldn't be there for him. After all, I get the injection thing. I am empathy.

It wasn't until he said cortisone shot that I connected all the dots. Waaaahhhh? Huuuuhhh? They gave you that just two weeks before our retrieval?!?! This didn't just happen. Please tell me that we can rewind the clocks and take it back!

And, of course, I have to stop and thank Lupron again. Lupron: You're the best. You turn me into one of those super crazy "stereotypical" ladies. You know, totally over-reacting and just swearing you could rip off your husband's head and feed it to the birds. Yeah, this is so not me. But it was this afternoon.

What's done is done. Now it's a matter of figuring out how much it impacts our cycle. I want to hear it straight. Tell me plain and simple - will this stupid cortisone shot jeopardize the success of our IVF cycle? Because if the chance is good, I'd rather postpone it. We start stims tomorrow. Why go through all of that and spend the money if it will be in vain.

Believe me, I'm trying really hard to keep a level head about this. Really I am. And I know that my husband is both upset that I got so upset and would, I'm sure, love to take it back. Ok, well, at least I think he would. He hasn't come out and said it, but I feel better just believing that, even though it would be good to hear. In all fairness, he said he asked his doctor before he was given the shot. He said he mentioned IVF twice. I guess my big hang up is that I would never put that much trust in someone who doesn't specialize in infertility. I would have preferred he call our clinic first. Bare minimum.

But, again. What's done is done. I know it wasn't done intentionally, and I know I'm probably making it out to be more than it is. I also feel like a bad wife for not being more supportive of the fact that he just got a pretty painful shot in his wrist. Instead, I'm more focused on how it affects our IVF.

For tonight, I'm going to pray and believe that we'll get good news tomorrow when we call our IVF coordinator to get her take. Pray that this link, or this link, my husband dug up are signs that confirm it will do no harm, or maybe even a little good. We will if we have to, but in truth, my heart is too much in this cycle to turn back now.

Provided we're still on track, I've been meaning to post this for a while. This is the first part of our IVF calendar... new one to come next week as we approach egg retrieval.

(click to enlarge, if you wish.)

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Jess July 27, 2009 at 11:10 PM  

Oh honey, I'm so sorry! I can only imagine how mad/frustrated you were when you found out he got that shot. I have no clue what it does in terms of your IVF. If your clinics thinks you will be okay, then go for it! You are definetely in my prayers!

Clomid does the same thing to me that Lupron does to you! I was not so swee this weekend. I need to remember that, what's done is done. They don't meant it.

Anonymous July 28, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

Oh honey, honestly you have over-reacted a bit. When I read about the cortisone I was also a bit taken aback....but it was a local injection, very small dosage for sure and with the intention of staying there to do the job! Think that the wrist is the furthest place in his body away from the important important bits! Cortisone, or steroids in general would have been more harmful if taken by mouth. I'm sure your clinic will confirm. Now repeat after me "I am calm. Everything will work out just fine. No harm is done". Love, Fran

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Talk soon.

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