Thursday, June 4, 2009

Basking in the glow of the possibility

As my mom correctly put it, this is one of the few times I've been "super excited!". The fact that IVF will finally be our first real chance to get pregnant, who wouldn't be excited.

There have been other times, certainly, when I've been super excited - like the day I graduated college (so glad to be done!), the day that I married my husband 8.5 years ago, buying our first and now second house, landing a job, adding a new furry creature to the family... all of the somewhat standard things to be excited about I suppose. Heck I was even "super excited" when we *first* started trying over a year ago. ;)

This is different
This time, all of this excitement and anticipation comes laced with not being in control of the situation. Usually, when I'm pumped about something, I would take the bull by it's horns and see it through to fruition. Time I can't do that. I don't know all of what lies ahead and no matter how much researching I do, ultimately, much of it... probably about 90% of it anyway, is totally out of my control. So, along with being "super excited" also comes TONS of other emotions.

I'm sure you'll see or read about plenty of those over the next couple months (you can't say I didn't warn you :). IF is one ginormous roller coaster full of highs and lows. Right now, THIS is a high point. Probably the highest in our journey so far. I feel thankful for those who celebrate the good times with us and, equally, those who help us through the tough times. I think my mom was so surprised to see me "super excited" because as a child I was horrible about expressing even the slight hint of enjoyment (as was my brother... maybe it's just in the jeans?!) This had to have been beyond annoying as a parent. I have no clue why I did this; I can only hope everyone who ever did a nice thing for me truly knows how much I appreciated it.

Never the less, I think I've gotten better about showing my emotions as an adult. I'm sure my husband can attest to this; he'd probably wish I showed less emotion a good deal of the time. :) Notice I said better, not perfect. Sometimes I try not to get too worked up as a way of protecting myself. I learned this very quickly during our first home buying experience. We had our sights set on a house; the same house that went on the market and was sold in a single day (yes, that's when the US economy was thriving!)

I wanted so badly to not have problems getting pregnant because this was one area where I wanted to be 100% excited and happy for this part of my life - no worries, no over thinking it - just blissful, unexpected ignorance! It's something I've waited and prepared for for so long. Even though I now know things will be more difficult, I want so badly to STILL be able to be excited and giddy about it.

Down payment day was full of giddiness.
For a moment you'd have thought I found out I was pregnant right then and there!

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Anonymous June 5, 2009 at 4:41 AM  

Hi my dear, it's so good feeling positive about the coming IVF, but being "super-excited" is even better!! Thinking of you and wishing you an even more "super-exciting" August!

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