The Tweedles are great! Thanks for your support!
Sorry for not updating lately... between being tired and busy the days have flown by. Last Thursday was our second ultrasound - the day we would hear our babies heartbeats - was a HUGE milestone in my mind. In looking back, as long of a road as infertility has been, today showed me that pregnancy presents itself with an entirely new set of concerns and worries. I feel blessed to be given even a chance to have those worries and struggles, just as I eventually became grateful for the very same trials we underwent as we were trying to conceive. Which brings me to my next thought...
I've decided it's time to retire this blog. It is devoted to a chapter which, while I'll certainly never forget, be ashamed of, or regret, is still merely the first of many chapters for myself and our family. This has been a wonderful outlet for me to journal the many months of struggle - all of the things I learned, experienced, felt - and also a way for me to hopefully help at least one other person who is going through a similar experience. I was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support I received as well... something I really didn't even expect going into this. You have all be so wonderful and your kind words and prayer have meant so much over these past months. Thank you for every bit of care, concern and excitement you've shown.
On that note, I also want to transition this blog to another out of respect. I know that many of you who subscribe, or will come across this in the future, are still on your own journey in TTC and I know how hard it can be to see a "pregnancy" update. There are some days when that wasn't a problem for me personally while we were TTC, but there were other days when I wanted to unsubscribe because it was just too much to handle. I think that so many of us can relate to this awkward time of when an IF friend gets her BFP. Tears of joy and sadness are sometimes almost equal. Please know that I understand that and, honestly, this time, while wonderful, has also been hard for that exact reason. Again, I can't say thank you enough for being there for me all these months.
If you would still like to get updates on how our babies are doing, we invite you to visit our new blog - subscribe or just drop in whenever you feel comfortable. We look forward to journaling about this next chapter of our lives and sharing it with all of our family and friends!
5 comments:
Cathy my dear friend, I hope you still read this blog because I've tried commenting on you new one but there is something wrong ad i can't do it. Thank you so much for you comment on my blog, I really hope it'll work our for us in the future. Much love, Fran
Cathy, I've come to say the same thing - I can't comment on your new blog - will you check your settings?
Anyway, wanted to say CONGRATS on your twins :) you and your hubby are going to have beautiful kids - you two make a very attractive couple.
And thanks for following my blog!
P.S. Your blog is gorgeous - who designed it???
Dear barren women,
Accept the fact that children are a privilege, and remind yourself that many people live happy and fulfilling lives without parenthood.
You have the necessary alternatives, like adoption, to fulfil the desire, and your mental frustration can be resolved if you rid yourself of your toxic feelings of entitlement. You can be happy without children, but not if you’ve convinced yourself that you were meant to have them. Human beings can adjust to unbelievable hardships, as long as they accept that life doesn’t owe them anything.
Not having children is a very minor problem compared to what some people endure, and the fact that it requires the creation of another person without their consent should be adequate proof that it isn’t a right. Yet by identifying as “infertile” you’ve chosen to align yourself with a group of women who view parenthood as a human right. Saying that you are “desperate” for a baby sends the same message, as though a baby was a basic human entitlement like food.
The maternal instincts of humans are strong, but they are not outside of your control. You can satisfy your desire for parenthood and nurturing by adopting, just like everyone else who finds themselves infertile at the time. It is only to be expected that you’ll have moments when you long for a biological child, but you decide if you will allow yourself to wallow in your longing or if you will focus on finding more productive ways to spend your time.
If you are truly depressed then it isn’t because you are infertile, but the belief that you are being denied something that you are entitled to could contribute to your problems. It’s not infertility in itself that will hurt your emotional health, it’s the way you think about parenthood. A lot of the same women who identify as "involuntary childless" are the same ones who define femininity by motherhood, and with that attitude, not having children begins to equal not being a woman – and that idea could contribute to a crisis.
I want to make one thing absolutely clear: If you believe that you are suffering from depression, you need to seek help from a professional. If you used the word “depressed” more colloquially to say that you feel sad and unhappy, you may still want to discuss your feelings with a therapist, but sadness and frustration would be a normal response to being robbed of something that you view as a human right. That is obviously not what is happening to you, but emotionally you will respond to events as you experience them as opposed to how to they really took place.
Infertiles often talk about discrimination and stigma. Natural selection declares that not every single individual is supposed to reproduce. Infertiles do not want to accept this, so they choose to believe that women are being denied something in an act of discrimination. Being the victim of discrimination multiple times a day, being denied something that you are entitled to, and watching as everyone else but you experiences what you want would be extremely upsetting. That’s not what’s going on though, so happiness can be found by shedding your voluntary delusions.
You are not entitled to children, you don’t deserve to create and own a living creature, and the fact that nature itself has declared this speaks volumes to that. You do not need children, and you can be happy without them.
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