We're nearly half way there!

I have a confession: I've been thinking about my little embabies today. A lot, actually.

How are they? What are the up to? Are they getting enough nutrients? Are they too hot? Too cold? Yes, I am totally "momming" these babies already!

Someone on my clinic's forum posted a little embryo development outline, which I now find super comforting to check every day and to stop and think about the fact that our babies could be doing that very thing. Have a look-see...

This is what happens in a 5 day transfer (dt), though I have a feeling this would still apply to our 6 day transfer, since the development rate is equal to a 5dt.

-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt...Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt (today).. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt...Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt... (1st beta) Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...(2nd beta) More HCG is produced as fetus develops

Yes, today our Tweedles were busy implanting! Go babies go!! I was thrilled when I discovered this because this afternoon as I was sitting in the recliner, watching one of the cutest movies ever (Matilda) and trying to catch up on some design work, I swear I felt the most mild pinches in my uterus. About six or so of them within a couple seconds of each other. My heart is so content to connect this with implantation, so I'm not going to fight it!

Besides that, I can't say I've felt any other "symptoms". However, as of today, all of the pain associated with ER is finally gone. Thank goodness! No more soreness when I urinate, walk around or sit. Still a little bloated in the tummy and I still have "love handles". :-) ER caused me to develop a very *nice* figure, very quickly that freaked me out a bit. Let's just say I pretty much looked about 3 months pregnant. I don't mind this at all if we get the news we're praying for on Thursday. Otherwise, me and ol' love handles are going to have to talk. ;-)

As today draws near a close, I feel fortunate to have had almost four days of little stress and to-dos post transfer. My parents and my mother-in-law came to visit on yesterday, which was sooo wonderful. Good to see them all, but also a lifesaver because it kept my mind off things. That can go SUCH a long way in times like these. My hope is that this next week back at work will be a good distration as well. Praying for no stress, but we all know how that goes when you take a few days off.

As always, thank you to everyone for your continued prayers. I find a great deal of comfort in knowing there are so many of you who genuinely care about and are praying for us and these little ones. Many of you, as my Mom reminded me yesterday, who I've never even had the privelage to meet. The fact that you all keep up with our journey to the extent you do is just amazing and extremely appreciated. We need as many cheerleaders as we can get!

Let's go Tweedles! Stick, stick, stick!

What's this? I started my period! :)

Most women, especially those trying to conceive, wouldn't be excited about this, but I definitely am. I started my cycle today - ON MY OWN!! This is huge for me. I think this is only my second cycle on my own since stopping birth control in April of 2008. During that particular cycle, it took me 67 days to start on my own, and I'm not even sure if I ovulated. It's hard to say though. I was still new to the whole charting thing (it was my first cycle ever charted when we started TTC), however, I certainly didn't write down any "symptoms" around the time that I would have ovulated, so that's why I'm so doubtful.

In my little corner of the world, this is very exciting! It's nice to see that my body WILL work, if nothing else just some of the time. Can you believe this makes for only my 2nd cycle where we've actually had the *chance* to have a baby (ie. I ovulated) in what will be almost a year of trying to conceive?!! Since I didn't know for sure I had at the time, it was the easiest 2ww ever! :-)

I'm excited, but I definitely realize that even when I DO ovulate, the likelihood of my remaining tube being able to function properly and pick up an eggie is pretty slim with all of the existing scar tissue that has formed due to my surgery years ago. Even still, I have HOPE!! For the next week, I will be reminded that I am indeed a woman - roooarrrr! :P And I will love every minute of it!!



For your viewing pleasure, here is my complete 93 day long cycle. Above is a snapshot of the very end, around ovulation . Our first cycle where we weren't actively trying, I guess you could say. That basically means, we weren't BDing every few days, I wasn't taking my basal body temps, doing any of those lousy OPKs or drugs or anything. In fact, you can see that in late December (when this cycle started), I stopped taking my metformin and, and yes I probably shouldn't have cut this one, but I also stopped taking my prenatal pills. Those things totally suck and I just needed a break.

The above chart snapshot indicates the days when I was having certain ovulation-like symptoms - starting with headaches off and on, very sensitive nipples and my ovary was sore, as in I when I barely pushed on my stomach it hurt, and then on Day 81 I just happened to check my cervix and it was open. Based on all of this, I *believe* I probably ovulated on either CD 81 or 82, but it could have been anywhere in the green outlined area I suppose. As you can see we did BD a several days prior to that, and one day right in that key time frame. Even though BD timing wasn't "perfect", it wasn't awful either. I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5 maybe. Just good to note. It's always nice to test my body out and give it a chance to shape up on it's own, but I'm not holding my breath. I know God can work miracles, so I just continue to pray!!

My temp is back up. I'm cautiously optimestic...

Because of that, I just HAD to search the Fertility Friend chart gallery to see if anyone else has had a two day dip like that and then been pregnant.

Here are my findings... it doesn't appear it happens a lot, but it is definitely possible. Here's to hoping!

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/78960.html

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/93922.html

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/93120.html

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/93096.html

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/91294.html

Technorati Tags: implantation dip, clomid, two week wait

You can tell by the sign on my coffee cup.

At least that's how I feel anyway. Nothing like a big cup of caffeinated brew on my desk to announce that AF is here and that screams "I'm not pregnant" like nobody's business. Fantastic. My temp plumeted on Sunday and again today... so it's official that cycle one of clomid was bust. I'm really trying to focus on the fact that I did ovulate and had a great 12 day luteal phase, but it's a little hard to swallow on the first day of AF. Little did I know that would only scratch the surface on what my Monday would hold.

When I got to work, I started my day at work by logging into facebook to wish my baby brother a happy birthday (20 if you can believe that!!) and learned that a long-lost, long-distance, but very dear friend and her husband are pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy for them. They have been through so much in TTC and she is just about one of the nicest, most God-loving women that I'll ever meet. It's just - did I have to learn about it today, of all days! Ugh. And I hate myself for not feeling anything by extreme happiness for them. I am praying that God lifts her up in my mind and shows me hope!

Ok, so my day... as always, it gets better. I put a call into my doctor's office this morning... we wanted to set up a face to face to discuss next steps for the new cycle. There are just too many unanswered questions at this point to feel good about making a rash decision to take a month off and do birth control (to get rid of cysts) or give the green light on the second round of clomid (without having another transvaginal ultrasound to know if there are too many cysts to move forward). Ok, so pretty standard, right? Wrong. The nurse is like "ok, so who's the appointment with - Dr. Kiesler?... you do know that she's leaving right?" ummm... no. Leaving how - like leaving SSM or what? No, like leaving the St. Louis area.

This isn't happening to me. Really, I mean come on! The good thing is that they were able to get us in on Wednesday - which is also good because she'll only be here through next week. Hopefully I can at least get a good referral from her. Who knows!

If ALL of that wasn't quite enough... I officially have a creepy stalker at work. Like legit. I was hoping I was overthinking it last week, but today put the nail in the coffin. People - and I can't stress this enough - today is not the day to screw with me. I will tell you like it is and it WON'T be pretty. Leave me the freak alone!!!

Knowing that, picture me returning to work from lunch to see a big vase of flowers. I immediately am like "shut up" there is no freakin way! But to my pleasant suprise, it was from my super adorable loving husband who knew what a crapola day I am having. Big sigh of relief!

Man, it's gotta get better, right?!?! I don't know how much more I can handle.

Tick tock... Tick tock

11DPO and what's new to report... well, last night was a not so great night. A combination of me being overly sensitive to a comment that, while joking, still felt very inappropriate and hurt me deeply and... well, let's just say it was made better by my temp going UP yet again this morning - 99.04 to be exact! I woke up around 5am, wide awake I might add which was frustrating since I can't temp and get up until just before 7am... anyway, when I first woke up at 5, I was totally sure that my body temp didn't "feel" as warm as it had the past few days. I was mad! and proceeded to snuggle closer and cover up more so that I could gain some warmth. Like that even works! :P Especially since my "snuggling closer" didn't involve anything out of the ordinary, compared to those previous days. I was being totally silly, but it made sense at the time.

Another day, another HPT and more weird symptoms
Yes, I tested again, and it was still BFN. Still too early I'm thinking. I've been scanning the message boards today and nothing seems unusual with my chart. I just need to be more patient. Lots of women don't get their BFP early - some don't even get it on time. What else? Oh, I broke out like crazy yesterday... 5 big ones. Geeish. I don't mind it at all if it's for a BFP, but otherwise AF better put up her dukes.

Distractions... I need a distraction!
I'm so glad it's Friday. The longer this day goes on the more antsy and moody I get. I really need to think and do other things than sit here and look at my chart and read online stuff once an hour. I don't do that at home really - there are too many other things to do. So, that is why it's PERFECT that the weekend is here. And I'm excited that it finally looks, feels and SMELLS!! like fall. We're totally doing fall things tomorrow - probably apple picking in the afternoon and then we might do one of those corn maze things at night! Should be exactly what the destress doctor ordered!

Technorati Tags: two week wait

Another high temp! Thank you God!!

I'm pretty sure I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I was SOOO incredibly thankful that my temp stayed up again today. Yesterday, I kept thinking how I couldn't wait to go home and go to bed just so I wake to a new day and a new temp. Then, yesterday evening, I started having a few more mild twinges and it occurred to me that they could be AF pains, even though I'm not really having the other symptoms of AF that I normally have. Anyway, it's a stupid thing to think... I should remain totally positive and trust that God is working in my life and that if I am going to be pregnant, HE will take care of it. There really is nothing I can do at this point in the cycle to change that.

So, I have that passing thought and tell myself to turn it over to God. We were out shopping last night and the woman at the cash register kept telling us how beautiful we were - weird, I know, but she was really very sweet and genuine; she then said how our children were going to be very beautiful too. Normally, I would think how sweet it was to hear that and then not think much of it. Of course, in my current state, I say "God, I hear you and I know you're sending me a sign! Thank you!!" We left and I just couldn't stop smiling inside.

When I woke up this morning with a still high temp, I really felt like it was another sign that it was in God's hands. When I tested again this morning (Day10) and got a BFN, I was actually ok with that. Sure I was hopeful, but I am content to wait and see what happens.

It's proably too early to test, but who follows the rules!

9DPO and I couldn't help it. Actually, now that we're on the subject, I also tested yesterday. That being said, I refuse to record a negative on my chart right now and will wait until it gets closer to day 14 or something.

I still haven't had too many pregnancy symptoms, although yesterday at various times I did feel some type of very mild cramp - both in different locations in my body. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I did record cramps for the first time. This morning I am SUPER hungry. I had the same thing for breakfast that I always do and my usual mid-morning snack and my stomach started asking for more around 11:30 or so. Thing is, I don't typically eat lunch until 1pm! Looks like I'm going to have to cut out early today cause, related to TTC or not, I am starvin' marvin.

My first offical 2ww!

It's Monday! And this week, that's ok because I had a great weekend with my husband and am so very thankful for that. We did lots and lots of eating - I'm talkin Mexican food, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, a yummy husband-grilled steak dinner, some IHOP... yeah, it was great! No, we don't normally partake in THAT much bad stuff, but it was oh so good. We watched a Baby Mamma (cute) and went to the Butterfly House in Faust Park (very nice, hadn't been there in awhile) and we got some great, colorful pics that day - the weather was almost too nice for fall weather.

To make it even better, I'm in the official two week wait - Day 7 to be exact! It's so hard not to get too, too excited. Even my own husband confessed to me that he's having a hard time with that as well. I've already started turning up the sensor on my five senses so as to detect the "baby" signs. Not many to report, but then again, I hear so many women say they go quite awhile before they notice something. In any case, it's been pretty darn fun thinking that some serious baby making action is hopefully happening in there :) I'm totally fascinated with the whole thing, to the point that I wish I had a little camera to watch it all unfold. How cool would that be! Then again, I suppose it could turn out not soo good if... well we won't even talk about that now will we!

For now, let's just concentrate on the fact that I ovulated and my temps look pretty darn good, possibly even triphastic as of yesterday, and that's all I can hope for. If it keeps up I just might test sooner than later just for fun :) Thank you cheap HPTs!

Technorati Tags: two week wait, pregnancy test